In a previous post, I discussed briefly a mental health crisis I faced and am still battling to manage. In order to get to where I am today, I spent years of really trying to restructure my way of thinking and to realign my goals with my values. I had discovered that my life had shifted in such a way that the goals that I was still holding onto were no longer feasible and a re-evaluation and adjustment was necessary.
I’m not going to pretend that this realization was easy, or that the work I put into it wasn’t daunting and difficult. I truly had to break things down to just the baby steps. But I want to share the methods and tools that were helpful to me in my rediscovery journey. I hope you find these helpful as well.
Self-Care
This concept is touted everywhere, and honestly, it seemed like BS to me for quite some time. I had so many other things to take care of, so how was I supposed to make time to take care of me when I had no energy left? And wouldn’t I feel guilty or selfish for putting myself first at times?
So I decided to prioritize self-care just to see if it could really help. This is really where the baby steps came in initially. I started simply by taking a bath at night after the kids went to bed.
I lit candles.
I used aromatherapy.
I used bath bombs and oils.
I listened to calming music.
And you know what? After a few nights, I recognized that I was starting to look forward to that time I devoted to myself. I started to feel more human. I can’t necessarily explain it, but for me, self-care did become one of the most important times of my day.
I found that by doing this, I was able to disconnect from the stresses of the day, even if just for a moment. Because of this, I had more energy to devote to my kids and more mental clarity to more effectively address their needs.
Apps
I have previously mentioned an app called Finch on this blog. It is not my intention to claim that this app will be appealing to everyone, but after I had searched through multiple, multiple apps, this was one that I looked forward to using regularly. You can find my independent review here.
In addition to being able to complete small tasks in Finch, I did find a few other apps that helped me with things like meditation and managing insomnia. Some are even CBT directed, which helps with changing the way you respond to triggers. I found that for me, the ones that were of most value were the ones that had guided meditations and journal prompts. As mentioned, I did go through quite a few before I found some I liked, but it ended up being worth it for me in the end.
One app that I’ve really liked that is more meditation-based (as opposed task and journal-based) is Yours app. One thing that I’ve really suffered with is insomnia, and this helps me with that. It has stories, meditations, ASMR, music and more to help clear my mind and fall asleep quickly. I also really like that it has both guided and unguided meditations as well as yoga classes and more. Check out Yours app here
Therapy
Therapy used to get a lot of flak. It has only been recently that therapy has been included as necessary for mental health and wellness. Now, I’m not necessarily here to promote the popular apps that have therapists available, but if that’s where your access is please don’t be afraid to use it!
Therapy has helped me tremendously in being able to recognize some of my toxic thoughts and patterns. It provides a safe space to lay it all out there without judgment. It has helped me to more effectively process some of my grief and incorporate way to better manage my anxiety.
Therapy was, admittedly, a little more difficult to access than I wish it was. I did have to wait months for availability and I struggled to find a therapist that could accept me within a reasonable time frame and still accepted my insurance. One of my biggest resources, therefore, became my providers list from my insurance company. During one of my brave days, I reached out to several (mostly via online request forms on the therapist’s website), and I found one that I felt good about and could get me in within a few weeks. You could also look into resources such as the National Alliance for Mental Health (NAMI) or your local Department of Human Services for additional help in finding these types treatments.
Hobbies
The rediscovery of hobbies came a bit later on in the process, but it also goes hand-in-hand with self-care. I don’t necessarily schedule out time every day to devote to my hobbies, however, but I do make time to work on at least one for a period of time at least once a week.
I started reading for fun again.
I picked up a crochet project I started but never finished (still working on it!)
I started sketching (and discovered I’m actually kind of decent at it!)
I reconnected with the great outdoors. One of the ways I have done this is by exploring ghost towns and old cemeteries around my state. I find that I enjoy imagining what life would have been like in the time that the ghost town was active, and this has helped develop more of an “attitude of gratitude,” which has also helped greatly with my mental health.
I became more active. I have found that exercise is actually quite cathartic. One thing that I started getting into was boxing. I also really enjoy dancing, so I found an app that allows me to learn choreography and still get my workout on. See my post here on more ways to get moving.
In summary, get back into your hobbies, or even develop some new ones. Have an old project you never finished? Pull it out again. Always wanted to try something new? Give it a shot! You may even find your passion.
Goals
For me, setting goals has become the thing that keeps me going. I find this a bit weird to say because I never truly understood the importance of goal-setting. At the very least, I wasn’t very good at it. I think I had lofty goals that I wasn’t necessarily willing (at the time) to put the work in for. I’ve since refocused my mindset, and have aligned my goals with the things I AM willing to put the work in for. I guess in some ways, my mental health crisis allowed me to have a greater appreciation for some of the things I have previously taken for granted.
I’ve been hearing a lot lately about the concept that success is often built from desperation. After initial crisis, I became desperate in my desire to be present and live my best life. Since then, I have been able to consider and rate my values (family, work/money, authenticity, etc.) and build small goals to work toward. Which brings us back to baby steps.
Baby steps may look like this:
I have an overall goal of being more physically healthy. So I break it down all down into smaller steps.
One component of this is:
-I will nourish my body with healthy foods
My initial focus to begin this habit:
-I will drink (amount) of water every day.
My baby step then becomes:
-I will drink one glass of water when I wake up in the morning.
After this becomes a habit, I will add more water at specific points throughout the day. Sometimes I have to plan little reminders or have accessibility plans, but at least that gives me a simple starting point to get me going.
It’s also important to acknowledge why this goal is important to you. For me, my goal of nourishing my body with healthy foods is so that I can have more energy to keep up with my toddler. (At 42, I can use all the help I can get! 😉 ). Just make sure your “why” is aligned with your values and what YOU truly want (not what you think other people want out of you). I used to want to nourish my body to lose weight. I thought it was important to be thin and beautiful. But my values didn’t align with my goals. I realized it wasn’t necessarily important to me to be thin, but it was important to have energy and feel healthy so I could keep up with my family. And now I’m able to stay on the path a lot easier.
In summary, these were some of the things I decided to focus on to help me find me again. This does not include my need for medical intervention in the form of medications, but I have since been able to successfully wean off the medications. That being said, DO NOT stop taking medications without your prescriber’s supervision. I am not offering medical advice of any sort, just offering suggestions from my own toolbox. Creating self-care routines, using well-designed apps, hiring a therapist, working on hobbies and creating goals have all been attributed to helping me feel human again. I hope you find these tools useful as well!
Affiliate Products Associated with This Post
From healthier eating made easy to hobbies and mindfulness apps. Click the links below for more information.
